I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
