My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
