After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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