I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
