Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Are we still banned from the library?
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
