My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Randomize
