this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Everyone says I win the strip club
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
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