Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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