Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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