The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
