I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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