This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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