I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
