i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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