brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
