i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
