He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
