While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
worst night to have a conscience
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
