its not stalking. its research.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
