I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
