xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
