naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
