You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
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