really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Randomize
