You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
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