Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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