alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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