Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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