New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
