I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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