Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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