this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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