And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Randomize
