Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
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