if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Michael Bay diarrhea
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
