Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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