I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
