My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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