This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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