I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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