Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
