I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
