I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
