I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
