1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
