I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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