i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Come see our sink grown plant.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
