capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
