so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
