Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I can't put those talents on a resume
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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