I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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