I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
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