True but thats because hes a fetus.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
