listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
