R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
