Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
