this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
